Looking back at DC (you know, if it was actually GOOD.)

It's not that I want to be an super crazy marvel zombie, it's just that DC makes it so damn easy. If you disagree, look how they're coming this close to ruining the one thing DC did right last year (52). The fact that they're merely using the countdown to go back to the CRISIS well a year later is ridiculous. (Maybe it wasn't a year ago, but it certainly feels like it just happened last week.)

DC pisses me off in an amazing amount of ways. From the fact that Swamp Thing can't interact with Superman or Batman, to the lack of a simple recap page for a new reader or guy that didn't catch the last issue. (there seems to be entire communites of DC people that think you're an idiot for not being knowledgable about 30 or more years of continuity, which I hate. If it's so important, it should feel important to the story naturally. The Montagues hate the Capulets, great, I shouldn't have to read a Mercutio tie-in to get this point across. LIGHTNING SAGA IS AWFUL, DEAL WITH IT.) I've got to read this, to build to this. so it builds to this, and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Marvel does this to, you say. Whatev. DC is the one going for supercontinuity and supercanon (except when someone PUNCHES TIME AND SPACE whenever we say it's OK). DC feels caught in minutiae becuase it's bricks that builds to SOMETHING, and this time it will MATTER. I like Marvel because I'm caught up in the minutiae and suddenly, it matters on a grand scale.

What it all comes down to is a brief run down of the New Earth that doesn't have a crap ton of bad stories and missed opportunites:

Identity Crisis: The death of Sue Dibny is stupid, and the following years have been stupid damage control. Furthermore, the stupid ghost detectives (Neil Gaiman already did this better) are place holders, like believing fans want a Hal Jordan Spectre. Lex Luthor's Armor, a good enough red herring, should have MEANT something later. Hell, I'd take Lex Luthor did it over Jean loring any day. The rape of Sue is more ridiculousness, the stalwart Superman wouldn't look the other way. I read somewhere that Alex Ross said that the only way he would ever do that if it happened to Lois, and I'm inclined to agree. Not to be to prudish, but rape shouldn't be a DC EVENT.

God, I was about to go off on a rant about the rest of the past couple of the years, but Identity Crisis has drained me. More to come, I guess.

My friend refused to serve a national hero, and the furystorm that ensues.

I found out that this Curtis Frisle (if that is his real name) refused to give one of my childhood heroes a Whopper. When I found out about this I thought, "What a dick." This is one of the few times I wanted to punch the internet. For truly, the internet and Curtis have it coming.

I watched this and was filled with super-rage:



I yelled at him that this is 2007, robot hate shouldn't exist in this day and age. (at least towards the good ones, you know who you are).

If you are filled with rage, and want to punch the internet, the punch it (with words) here:

www.myspace.com/frisle

this will not stand.

A Million and a Half Reasons Why should Write for Marvel, Pt. 4

"I will f***ing cut you!"

The character is brandishing a broken whiskey bottle and shoving it in Wolverine's face. He just don't give a sheet.

A Million and a Half Reasons Why I Should Write for Marvel. Pt 3

"Who am I? I'm Dr. Kicksplode, and your face made an appointment."

The guy is talking to MODOK. There's totally going to be an a lot of kicksplosion.

Fact:

The Shocker is awesome. So it is, so it shall be.

Death of the Flash!!!!

Barry Allen died over twenty years ago, and yet DC comics won't shut up about him. (Lightning Saga is the latest.) You think they're still going to talk about Bart Allen when I'm forty?

A Million and a Half Reasons Why I Should Write for Marvel. Pt 2

I'm here with the reason number 2 for why I should inflict Marvel Comics with my sawesome.*

TRAPPED ON A WORLD STEVE GERBER MADE!

PLANET OF THE DUCKS!!!!!

I do believe this one speaks for itself**

I'd write more, but I needs more slumber for sawing lumber.






*sawesome is not a typo. It is merely 'awesome' with more 'saw.'
**Howard the Duck, come on!

A Million and a Half Reasons Why I Should Write for Marvel.

It goes without saying that I pretend to be able to write. I smash my head onto a keyboard until the gooey bits spill out of my skull, cohering into a wonderful concotion of awesome that will be tasty to your eyeballls. In my ill-advised time thinking about super-heroes, I've got a crap ton of ideas flowing through my brain from an unhealthy time thinking about Marvel comics. I'm currently "working" (LOLz) on a proposal that will contain most of my ideas that I will share with you, the tens of people that might be interested. (yeah, right) That said, I thought I should give a million and a half reasons why this why I should write for Marvel. Please, partake of my crazy with me, as the proposal is guaranteed to rock Joe Quesada's face.

REASON #1:

Hank Pym has been Giant Man


Hank Pym has been Ant Man


BUT.

Has Hank Pym ever been

GIANT ANT MAN?

I think not.

Why is this important? I'll tell you why. A giant man that can create an army of GIANT ANTS is where it's at. Someone messes with Hank Pym, BOOM. GIANT ANT ARMY EATING YOUR FACE. Beautiful. This is not to say that this hasn't happened before in over 40 years of Marvel comics, but it would seem I would have known about something so awesome.

Remember that time Pym created Ultron, the killer robot that currently gave Iron Man lady parts? Yep. Remember that time Pym slapped his wife? Sure. Do you remember the time the giant ant army ate someone that looked at Hank Pym funny? Nope. But if we did, we totally would be DUDE, remember the time Pym went THEM on some fool that looked at him funny? That was AWESOME.

"My name is Hank Pym. This is Mable. Currently I'm the only one who is telling her not to eat your head for the glory of the Hive."